BTVS One Shots
by thewinchestergospel
Summary: Just a silly little collection of one shots mainly featuring Spike, the vampire you can't help but like. If you have any suggestions for a title for this collections, be my guest, because I couldn't for the life of me think of anything clever.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: My friend Lauren and I started this as a Buffy The Vampire Slayer story sometime late in '08, but we never really got anywhere with it (we start up Rps and have a habit of never finishing them!) so I decided to post it on here as kind of a one shot… you know, just a funny little piece of nonsense about Spike and his love for Soaps. We have another one stashed away, somewhere, so this may become just a little collection of BTVS one shots, mainly focused on Spike, though, because, you have to admit it, he's just awesome.

"No, no, no, Paul... Nikki is bad for you. She already ruined Victor's life and she'll do the same for-- oh fine then. Just go and have sex and don't listen to me." The lean young man flung his hands up in frustration as he hopped off the end of his bed and crossed to the softly humming mini fridge, bending and plucking a pickle jar filled with a thick cerise fluid from the fridge. He unscrewed the lid and walked back over to the bed, sitting on the floor in front of it. He leaned his back against the footboard and lifted the jar to his lips as he watched the small television set in front of him. He rolled his eyes and shook his head in frustration.

The door to the mausoleum burst open, and a young blonde woman stepped through the threshold, a wooden spike in hand.

The male choked a little on the liquid and jerked up into a standing position and looking toward the door. Upon seeing who it was, he relaxed and sat back down on the edge of the bed. "Don't be so loud, Young and the Restless is on." He said, turning back to the television.

Buffy rolled her eyes, and slipped the stake into the back pocket of her jeans. She pushed a strand of her long blonde hair out of her face, and watched in amusement as Spike watched the television intently.

Spike took another sip from the jar and scooted over on the bed, patting a space beside of him. "Join me? Chloe is about to tell Billy that its actually his baby and not Kane's."

Buffy raised one of her eyebrows. "I'll pass."

Spike glanced up at her with a little frown then looked back to the television. "Suit yourself." He whispered, taking another sip of blood.

Buffy rolled her eyes once more. "Look, I just dropped by to let you know that Giles thinks there's another apocalypse coming."

The man sighed a little and stood from the bed, leaving the pickle jar behind and the television softly talking. "So... you're only hear because you need something from me... " He watched her a moment then looked back to the television.

Buffy sighed. "Forget it. Just sit here with your jar of blood and watch daytime soaps. I don't even care."

"I didn't say I wasn't going to help," He said quietly as he walked away and capped off the blood and pushed it back into the fridge. The television was turned off as he passed it and he nodded. "Let's go see Giles then."

Buffy said nothing else on the walk through the cemetery, and to Giles' house. Willow, Xander, Tara, Dawn, Anya, and Giles were waiting there.

Spike was quiet, too, but when he arrived, he drifted away from Buffy and sat himself down on the back of a couch, putting his feet on the cushions. "So, what is it this time? Giles, you do realize that Y&R is on and we're both missing it."

Giles ignored Spike, and turned to the rest of the Scooby Gang. "There's been some... warning signs. You know, mysterious deaths, disappearances, the like."

"Of course," Spike said, running a hand through his hair. "And it has to start up when our show is getting good. You know Chloe had her baby yesterday and it wasn't Kane's."

"Spike, that's enough, this is very serio- wait, really?" Giles shook his head. "Never mind! We've got the apocalypse to worry about."

Spike smirked a little and nodded. "Yeah, really." He said before lacing his fingers together. "And Jeffery's finally going to turn Gloria in. But no, go ahead and tell us about this apocalypse."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Some of this also came from a RP my friend and I started, but never finished, so I decided to take bits and pieces of it and turn it into another silly little one shot. Enjoy! Also, I don't watch Soaps, so I'm making it up as I go along, obviously.

"Oh bloody hell!" The blonde vampire shouted, tossing a dark red slipper at the curved screen of the television, striking the image of a dark haired man on the screen before falling to the floor. In front of the television, sitting Indian-style at the foot of the bed was a lithe figure clad in black pants. "I can't believe this…" He muttered, running a hand through his spiked platinum blonde hair. "Phyllis is so much hotter than Sharon, why can't David realize that…"

As soon as the words left his lips, the door of the mausoleum flew open. The vampire jumped off the bed in surprise, grabbing the axe that was propped up against the headboard.

The axe made a loud clattering sound on the hard floor as he tossed it aside, realizing who the intruder was. "Would it kill you once in a while to knock?" Spike grumbled, sitting back in his place at the foot of the bed.

The irritated looking blonde woman stepped further inside, pulling along a younger brunette who didn't seem too pleased to be there, either. "I'm fine at home, you know. I'm not a little kid anymore, I don't need a babysitter," The girl said, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I second that," Spike muttered, glaring at the television.

"Dawn, quit whining. It's only for a couple of hours," She turned to Spike. "I'm going patrolling. There's a new baddie in town, nothing that I can't handle, of course, and I can't get anyone to watch Dawn, so-"

"So you dump her off on me, eh? Lovely. Well, go on then," He said, waving a pale hand towards the door. "If she breaks anything though, I swear-"

"I know, I know. Grr, bugger, blah blah blah_._ Very intimidating. I'll be back in a while." She rolled her eyes and then left.

"Well, sit down," Spike said to Dawn, gesturing towards a small armchair next to the bed. "Don't touch the telly, and be quiet. My soap's on."

_Ten minutes later._

"You see, David is shagging Sharron, but the sodding bloke is too bloody stupid to realize that she's just using him for his money and good looks. Not to mention, he's the heir to the Cheesecake Factory."

"Uh-huh."

"And Phyllis, well she's in love with him, but she won't admit her feelings," he explained nonchalantly, taking a sip of blood from his "Life's a Beach" mug.

"And who's that?" Dawn said, pointing a finger towards a tall blonde woman wearing too much makeup and a very revealing top, on the television screen.

"That's Gloria, nasty little bint, she is. Poisoned her own sister. But that's okay, because Jeffrey is on his way to the police to turn her in."

"Ah. And who's Jeffrey again?"

Spike threw up his hands up in exasperation. "For crying out loud! I told you, he's David's brother."

"Oh right. Spike?"

"What, lil' bit?"

"Can we watch something else?"

"Not bloody likely."


End file.
